


You're Everything That I Want, But You Don't Want Me

by ElsaKL58



Series: Pigeons and Perceptions [2]
Category: Hockey RPF, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: M/M, Modern Retelling, Pining, but in a hockey setting, pride and prejudice - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-05-02 19:55:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5261459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElsaKL58/pseuds/ElsaKL58
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Claude Giroux always thought that being bisexual in the NHL wasn’t going to be a big issue for him. Hockey is basically the most important thing, and it’s not as if he ever cared about someone that much to want to have cliché romantic dinners and shit like that.</p><p>That’s until he falls <em>deeply</em> in love with Sidney Crosby, who hates Claude to death.</p><p>He's more than screwed – or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just."

**Author's Note:**

> I'M BACK!
> 
> I wasn't supposed to be away that long, but then school got in a way (and still is) so I apologize. I don't know how many chapters this will have, maybe 3 or 4. They certainly won't be as long as the first part, and I won't post regularly.
> 
> Title is from the song [Sleepwalker](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cfzlasUfT4) by Adam lambert, basically the reason why I'm here today.
> 
> I guess you could read this as a standalone, but I think you should read the [first part](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4271706/chapters/9673521) if you want to completely understand everything.

“You know, I always thought you were rude, arrogant and nasty, and I _never_ liked you a bit. When we played together in Prague, I really thought ‘maybe I was wrong about him, maybe I misjudged him.’ But you know what? I was right about you from the beginning! You are the last person on Earth I’d _ever_ want to be with!”

Claude feels like his world is falling apart. He doesn’t want to believe what he just heard. It’s painful to think that the person who said this is the guy Claude loves too much for his own sake. And Sidney said it with all the anger he has, which is _perfectly justified_.

“I – so that’s what you think of me?” Claude couldn’t help to ask. Maybe all of this is just a pure nightmare. Maybe he’ll wake up and forget about it. Maybe it isn’t true.

“Pretty much, yeah. But I can continue if you want!”

“No no, I get it.” Claude says, trying not to speak with a shaky voice. “I guess I just need to regret how I ever felt about you. I’m sorry for annoying you that much. Goodnight.” Claude says to himself, before walking away. He can’t be in love with someone who hates him that much, it’s not healthy.

Claude goes in his hotel room in a hurry; he doesn’t want to meet anyone right now. He wishes to forget about this moment, even though he knows it won’t happen.

Claude was angry at first, because Sidney didn’t understand what he was trying to say. But now, he feels humiliated, stupid and perfectly ashamed.

Claude is lying on the bed in his dark hotel room, but all he sees on the ceiling is Sidney. Sidney who says that Claude ruined Malkin’s happiness. Sidney who says that Claude had been mean to Tye McGinn. Sidney who says that Claude is arrogant and selfish. Sidney, Sidney, Sidney.

And then Claude is thinking about what could have been. If Sidney didn’t reject him, they could’ve passed the night together. They would have certainly kissed for the first time, and then they would’ve made plans for the summer to see each other. It would have been perfect.

But the things are what they are, and Claude knows he won’t sleep tonight.

He’s about the break down, he perfectly knows that. That’s why he calls Danny.

“Claude, why the hell are you calling me at midnight?” Danny answers in a sleepy voice.

Oh shit, he didn’t think of that. He doesn’t want to disturb Danny with his pathetic love life.

“I’m so sorry Danny, I shouldn’t have called. My mistake.” Claude says, a lump in his throat.

“Wait no, I didn’t mean... What’s wrong?” he hears from Danny.

“I don’t know what to do Danny, I fucking don’t know.” Claude says, his eyes watering.

“Do you wanna explain?”

“I – you know when a girl turns you down, normally they say things like ‘I still wanna be friends, you’re a nice guy’ and you didn’t even care that much about her anyway so you had already forgotten after three seconds.”

“Well, it happens to you pretty often.” Danny jokes.

“Yeah… I wish it was the case right now.” Claude says with a forced laugh. If only he didn’t fell in love with Sidney Crosby in the first place…

“What do you mean?”

“I – I’m in love with someone, Danny. You can’t even know how much. It’s driving me insane. I don’t even know how it started, it just happened, as natural and harmless as love is.”

“Oh wow Claude, that’s great!”

“No it’s not. Not when the person you love hates you to death, and thinks that you’re the worst piece of shit. And the thing is, he’s so right Danny, I was a piece of shit and I was scared and I just ruined everything.”

“Oh Claude..."

“No, please don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t deserve your pity. I’m ashamed to ever think that I had a chance with him, because I never had.

And that’s the most difficult part to admit. He really thought in Prague, when Sidney felt asleep next to him, curled up and smiling, that he had a chance. But he was wrong, so wrong.

“It’s Crosby, isn’t it?” Danny says.

“Wait, how the hell do you know that?” Claude answers, shocked. He wasn’t supposed to say it. Maybe he spilled his name and didn’t notice?

“I know you Claude. You practically admitted to me that you liked him while you were complaining about Brayden, who was always hanging out with Malkin. And with the way you two went along pretty well in Prague, I just figured it out.”

“Well, you’re a good detective…”

“Crosby is wrong when he says that you’re a piece of shit though.”

“No Danny, he’s right… I wasn’t that nice. I was freaking out about my own feelings so I may have become rude. And I don’t know what McGinn told him, but he thinks that I’m the bad guy in this story.”

“Wait, what the fuck does McGinn have to do with Crosby?”

“They met once, and McGinn was actually flirting with him.” Claude says, trying not to think of how much he was jealous. Sidney was laughing and open, which he never was able to see, not really. And it had to be this _fucking jerk_ that had the right to see Sidney _pleased_. It wasn’t fair.

“Oh my... Did you try to warn him?” Danny asks.

“Yes of course! But he didn’t believe me."

“You told him what he did to your sister, right?”

“No."

“Why not?”

“Because it wasn’t necessary to open those wounds again!”

“Are you sure of that?"

Claude thinks about it, and okay maybe he should have said something. He was pretty vague. That’s because he didn’t want to talk about it, because it’s still hard to think about how a fool he was by being friendly with that guy. He’s so glad that McGinn is not with the Flyers anymore.

“No, not really. And I’m not even sure if I did the right thing concerning Brayden and Malkin.”

“You said a few months ago that Malkin didn’t like Brayden as much as Brayden loved him.”

“Well, Sidney just told me that Malkin was in love with him all along, I may have interpreted things the wrong way. I was so blind about doing the right thing as the captain of the Philadelphia Flyers that I forgot about his happiness.”

“You thought you were doing the right thing.”

“Maybe I didn’t. I’m such a hypocrite. Being in love with Sidney Crosby when you’re Claude Giroux, how does that sound? It’s not better, it’s even worse!” Claude cries. “Even if Sidney was in love with me – which won’t ever happen - it couldn’t have worked anyway.”

“Don’t be so pessimist, you’ll figure this out. And stop moping like that. If Sidney Crosby doesn’t see how awesome you are, that’s because he doesn’t deserve you.”

“Are you really thinking that? Or you’re just being nice…”

“No Claude, I’m honest here.” Danny says, cutting him off. “You’re a good guy. Don’t let one person say otherwise.”

“Thank you Danny, I really appreciate it.” Claude says. At least he still got a friend.

“Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to go to sleep again.”

“Oh right, I’m so sorry for waking you up.”

“It’s okay, you needed some support. I can’t imagine how bad you must feel right now. That’s awful.”

“Well at least it’s the off-season, it won’t affect my game. I know it would have.” Claude says, thinking about how awkward it will be in October to play against the Penguins after everything that happened between those two teams…

“You’re being positive now, that’s good! Stay strong, you’ll come around this.”

Danny is always optimistic in everyday life situation. Claude can even feel less miserable now that he had talk with Danny.

“Well, I’m old and I need some sleep, so goodnight, and don’t forget about what I just said.” Danny says.

“That you’re now an old man?” Claude chirps. He didn’t even think about doing jokes after what Sidney told him.

“That.” Danny says, laughing. “And the fact that you’re a good person.”

“Yeah yeah, I won’t.” Claude says, trying to sound sincere. Sidney broke him, and his confidence is nearly inexistent right now, but Danny is helping a little bit.

“Good. Sleep well tonight.”

“I’ll try.”

Danny hangs up, and now Claude is left alone with his thoughts.

He needs to do something, anything. He can’t stay like that, moping around because he has a broken heart. Claude Giroux is better than that.

Being in love with the Pittsburgh Penguins’ captain is not that convenient, as the captain of the Philadelphia Flyers. And a relationship between the two of them would be awfully difficult. Claude doesn’t need that. They’ll have to hide, if they don’t want to be in the eyes of the media. It’ll be difficult for both of them. It can’t work in the long run. So it could be good that Sidney rejected him.

He also needs to talk to Brayden about this Malkin thing. Subtlety is required, but he can ask him casually and see how he reacts. And to convince Brayden that all of those reasons as why he shouldn’t be with Malkin don’t matter, as long as they love each other.

He also needs to prove that McGinn is a jerk, but he doesn’t want to do it right now, or Sidney will think that Claude still wants to convince him that he’s a good guy, and it’ll become worse. He’ll tell him the entire story when the right time will come.

He feels a little bit better after talking with Danny, but the damaged had been done. He has the entire summer to come around, and then to play great hockey again and forget about this guy named Sidney Crosby. This guy who is good at hockey and physically _really_ attractive (his ass though wow). And everything he does is brilliant. The way he walks, the way he speaks, the way he smiles, even the way he breaths.

Oh God, he’s so heads over heels in love with Sidney Crosby. And he doesn’t even have a coherent argument explaining why.

But now, Claude perfectly understands why he was rejected. And he sees that his rudeness, his arrogance, and even his stupidity, made him lost the man he loves, in a way he’ll never recover.

The only thing left to do now is to try to make things right, for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about doing the phone call with Danny in French, but then I realized that nobody would be able to understand the entire chapter, so I didn't do it. It's almost 1 AM, be indulgent xD


	2. "I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been."

A month later, Claude is doing better. He’s in Hearst with his family, and seeing them is better than anything. He’s not perfectly happy, but he’s good at hiding it, and his family doesn’t question him. At least there’s that.

He tries not to think about it as much as possible, but it’s difficult. Each night before falling asleep, he thinks of Sidney, who must be happier than ever. And it hurts to think that way, because Claude perfectly knows that Sidney is doing fine without him.

The phone call from Brayden asking him if he wants to be his guest to this golf tournament in Toronto was a little bit unexpected, but nice. Claude accepts the invite immediately. He needs to talk to him about this Malkin thing anyway, better doing it as soon as possible.

***

Claude had forgotten how Brayden is always smiling and making jokes. He’s an incredible friend, always there to make you smile. Even when Claude knows that Brayden is not as happy as he seems to be, he’ll always be there for others. He’s as amazing as that.

He totally understands why Malkin could be in love with him.

But still, Claude doesn’t know what to do. If he tells Brayden that Malkin is in love with him, it could be even worse than before. It has been a month now that Claude had this conversation with Sidney, maybe Malkin had found another person to be with. He doesn’t want Brayden to get his hopes up again for nothing, it wouldn’t be fair.

For that reason, Claude decided that he’ll only tell Brayden to follow his heart, and to forget everything that he had once said about not being a good idea to be in a relationship with Malkin.

If Malkin still loves him in September, Brayden will find out rapidly and then they’ll have an happily ever after, hopefully.

Luke wanted to be with his fiancée for the evening, so Brayden and Claude are in a restaurant, and that could be the best opportunity to talk about all of this. 

“Brayden, can I ask you something?” Claude says, when they are starting the main course.

“Sure, what is it?”

Claude doesn’t know how to start this conversation. He doesn’t want to torment him, or to make him even sadder. But for the affection that Claude has for Brayden, and for Sidney, he needs to do it.

“Claude, is everything all right?” Brayden asks him, sounding concerned.

“It could be better, obviously, but I need to be honest with you. I’ve been such a shitty friend to you for the past few months, I’m so sorry.”

That was not the perfect way to start this conversation by being melodramatic, but Claude is pretty good at being melodramatic, for the past month or so. It’s pretty much is single talent, besides hockey.

“Whoa Claude, why are you saying such things? Of course you’re a good friend!”

“No I’m not. I’m the worst friend ever.”

“Fine Claude, you’re the worst friend ever.” Brayden says, without seeming to think it. “Now I want some explanations as why. Because I totally don’t see it.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything, about what was happening between you and Malkin. It was none of my fucking business.”

Claude sees that Brayden tries really hard not to show any kind of emotions.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he answers.

“You perfectly know what I’m talking about. I just want you to listen to me, don’t interrupt me please.”

Brayden not saying anything and staring at Claude is a sign that he can carry on.

“I – I thought it wasn’t a good idea for you to be seen with this guy, and that’s why I said that you shouldn’t see him. And when I also said that he didn’t like you as much as you liked him, well I think I was wrong.”

Actually, Claude perfectly knows that he was wrong, but he doesn’t want Brayden to know that

Brayden is impossible to read at that precise moment, so Claude waits for him to speak.

“But why are you telling me this? I’m over him.” Brayden finally says, with what seems to be a shaky voice. Claude knows Brayden too well to know that he can’t lie.

“For God sake Brayden.” Claude says, sighing. “Don’t lie to me, not about this.”

“I – I just. I know you would be disappointed if I say the opposite.”

“Oh Brayden… You don’t need to worry about what I think. I just want your happiness, and now that I realised that I was wrong, I’m just telling you to follow your heart.”

Brayden raises his eyebrows

“That’s nice for you to say, but I’m wondering… Why did you change your mind? I mean, you’re a stubborn man, you don’t admit you’re wrong very often, or should I say never.”

Claude didn’t think of that. Now he needs to find a good explanation, without telling him that it was Sidney Crosby who told him a month ago that Malkin was in love with Brayden all along… And he definitively doesn’t want to explain why Sidney Crosby told him such things.

“It was rude of me. Just, follow your heart. Do you love him?” Claude asks.

“Hum, maybe…”

“C’mon Brayden, there's no ‘maybe’ when it comes to love. Yes or no?”

Brayden sighs.

“Of course I still love him, he’s everything to me.” he responds, smiling at the table.

“There you go! Just, promise me you’ll make a move in September.”

“But I can’t do that!” Brayden says, almost as a cry. “I was so mean to him, not answering his phone calls, and I even ignored him in Prague! He surely doesn’t want me anymore.”

“You don’t know that for sure until you try.” Claude says. “You’ll regret it if you do nothing.”

“I – I don’t know Claude, I’ll think about it.” he says, looking in Claude’s eyes.

It’s not what Claude wanted to hear, not exactly. But he’ll take it. Brayden saying that he’ll think about it means that he’ll do it most of the time anyway.

“But you didn’t answer my question.” Brayden continues. “Why did you change your mind?”

“I answered.” Claude says, trying to hide his nervousness.

“No you didn’t. If you really wanted me to ‘follow my heart’ you would tell me. I won’t do a move if I don’t know why I should follow your advice.”

Claude hates those situations. Does he really need to explain the whole thing? Claude is not ready to open those wounds, actually he’ll never be. But if it can make things right…

“I – It’s Sidney who told me. That Malkin was still interested in you.”

Brayden’s surprised face makes him regret what he just said. Now he’ll have to explain everything. Without wanting to cry or something.

“Wait, why would he tell you that? And most importantly, when did it happen?”

“Hum, he told me that in June, after the Gold Gives Back ceremony.”

“Oh I see.”

What is that supposed to mean?

Brayden starts laughing really loudly. This is not good.

“Don’t tell me you thought it was a secret.” Brayden says, still smiling.

“What secret?” Claude asks, because he’s not sure he totally understands what is going on here.

“Well, that you too are involved. It’s so obvious since Prague.” Brayden says, winking.

Oh no, Brayden really think that they are involved? If he knew how wrong he is…

Claude, are you all right?” Brayden asks, worried. “I thought you knew.”

“Well I didn’t know because we’re not involved. We’re not together, we never kissed and we never slept together. Nothing happened and nothing will happen, you’re happy now?” Claude says, ruder than he meant to.

“I hear some disappointment in what you just said…”

Claude doesn’t speak, he told too much already.

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I mean, it just wasn’t meant to be.” Brayden finally says.

“It’s more complicated than that.” Claude retorts.

“Explain to me then.”

That was all Claude needed to tell him everything he had on his heart, how much a fool he was, how much he loves Sidney, and yet all he has is hate from him. That Malkin being sad because of Brayden (aka Claude’s fault) and McGinn telling Sidney that Claude was a jerk didn’t really helped his caused. But most importantly, that everything is his entire fault, and he doesn’t blame anyone but himself.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Claude for insinuating…”

“It’s alright.” Claude says, cutting him off. “You didn’t know. Anyway, it would have happened sooner or later.”

Claude sighs, looking at his plate.

“I don’t feel like eating anymore.” Claude says. Telling all of this to Brayden made him lost his appetite.

“Me too, let’s go.” Brayden replies.

They pay the bill, and leave the restaurant. As they are leaving, Claude is thinking about Sidney, as always.

When Sidney reproached Malkin’s sadness to Claude, he thought it was a less important accusation than the McGinn one. But now, Claude is prone to think the opposite. Claude knows the pain Malkin must have felt when he was rejected. If Claude really caused that empty feeling that is rejection to Malkin, then Claude feels extremely bad. Nobody deserves to feel that empty inside.

Except Claude. Claude totally deserves it.


	3. "Good God! What is the matter?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad to announce that I finally have a beta for this story! [InkedPoetry](http://archiveofourown.org/users/InkedPoetry/profile) kindly offered her help, and I couldn't refuse. Thank you again! :)

Claude isn’t able to answer his phone when he sees that it’s Sidney Crosby who’s calling.

Claude feels his chest tighten up at the thought of _Sidney Crosby_ calling him. Is this a dream? Maybe Sidney wants to say sorry?

The voicemail he left explains why he called.

“Hey umm, it’s Sidney. Crosby. I just wanted to know if you still want to be a part of my hockey school, as we’d discussed. If you have other things planned, it’s totally okay. We haven’t talked about it since then, maybe you’d forgotten. Anyway, you can call the office’s administration to confirm whether or not you’ll be there. So yeah.”

Claude wasn’t expecting an invite for Sidney’s hockey school after everything that happened but hey, he’ll take it.

And Claude really needs to apologize to Sidney. This is the opportunity he’s been looking for, he _cannot_ miss it.

***

It’s the last day of Sidney’s hockey school and Claude hasn’t apologized yet, he just hasn’t found the right time.

Or maybe he’s just chickened out every single time he was about to do it.

He always sees Sidney with kids, playing hockey and smiling. God, he’s just so beautiful. He didn’t want to ruin Sid’s happiness with Claude’s guilt.   
But there’s no turning back now. It’s now or never.

Claude’s in front of Sidney’s house, in his car, freaking out and wondering if he should just turn back around, for a good 10 minutes.

But now that he’s there, he might as well just do it.

Claude finally gets out of the car and knocks on Sidney’s door, trying not to notice how his heart stutters in his chest. He’s never felt so jittery and nervous.  
Sidney opens the door, and Claude knows how weird it must be, but he hopes he doesn’t seem nervous as hell, even though he is.

“Hello Sidney, I really need to talk to you. Can I come in?” he says, trying to sound firm and sure of himself.

“I don’t really have the time for this.” Sid answers, as a way to say that Claude doesn’t really have anything to do here, which is totally true. “And how do you know where I leave?”

“I asked Nate a few days back. I just didn’t have the guts to come before,” Claude admits, a little bit ashamed. But that’s not why he’s here. “It won’t be long… please,” he finally asks, trying not to sound desperate.

Sid waves him to enter, so Claude does and follows him through the leaving room.

Sid sits down but Claude is too agitated to do the same. He stays up, and starts talking.

“Look Sid, I’m gonna be straight here. I feel like I owe you an apology.”

“About what?”

“Everything. But I’m sorry for Malkin, especially.”

Sidney is looking at him with his confused eyes, but he’s doesn’t say anything so Claude continues his explanation.

“I was an idiot. I wasn’t really sure whether it was a good idea for both of them to be together, but when I saw Brayden this summer… I’ve never seen him that sad, and I’m pretty sure this is my entire fault. He still loves him. So if Malkin still feels the same way, he still has a chance…”

Claude finally said everything that has been on his chest, and he feels a lot better.

“Well I’m glad that you’re finally acting like a decent human being,” Sid says, in a sadder tone than what Claude would have imagined.

Something is wrong, Claude can tell, when he looks in his gloomy brown eyes. Sidney would have been thrilled to know that Claude is apologizing, in Claude’s dreams. But he knows that Sidney’s not supposed to _look sad_. He needs to know what is making Sid miserable.

“Sid, what’s wrong? I know it has nothing to do with what I just said.”

“Oh, nothing,” Sidney answers, looking at the magnificent cushion on the couch. It breaks Claude’s heart to see this miserable Sidney in front of him.

“I’m not stupid. Tell me what’s bothering you,” Claude says, trying to figure out if he can help.

“It's just...” Sidney starts, and then sighs. “Taylor is gone, nowhere to be seen, and I think that she’s with Tye McGinn.”

Claude wasn’t ready to hear that today.

“Oh my God.” Claude manages to say. “I’m sorry to say that, but that’s not good. Really not at all.”

“What do you mean?” Sidney asks, anxious.

Sidney needs to know the entire story. Claude doesn’t like to explain it, but he owes a lot to Sidney, especially his honesty. He can see in his eyes how worried he is for his sister.

“I’m not gonna omit things to you this time. Everything that I’m about to say is true. If you still don’t believe me, you can ask Danny Brière. He’ll be glad to confirm everything.

I don’t know what McGinn has told you, but we knew each other a while back, before he was even drafted by the Flyers. We had some friends in common, because we played for the same team, although he arrived when I left for the AHL. My sister was in Ottawa to study, and he was playing in Gatineau, so that’s basically why they met one day. McGinn became one of my closest friends from that moment. He was dating my sister, and they were happy together, and my sister really thought that he was the one.”

“Your sister, is she the one who got engaged at the Winter Classic?” Sidney asks.

“Yeah! How do you know that?” Claude asks, smiling. He’s surprised to know that Sidney remembered something like that.

“Well, I’m always watching the NHL Network and I thought that it was nice...”

Sidney would certainly be willing to be proposed to on the ice, which makes Claude smile. But we’re not there yet, not even close. He needs to continue his story.

“Anyway, McGinn became one of my best friends, and he asked me to talk to the Flyers organization about him. I really respected him, and I thought that he was an incredibly talented player, so I did what he asked. They finally drafted him two years later.

He was with my sister during the draft. And as soon as he was a Flyer, he stopped talking to her, and said that he didn’t love her anymore. It really happened out of the blue. She was so heartbroken, there was no way to comfort her. And then he started to flirt with girls and have one night stands. Completely the opposite of what I knew about him.

What I realized then, is that he basically used me to get to his goal, without even thinking about the consequences for others. He dated my sister for the sole purpose of gaining my trust, and then to get to the NHL. He literally confirmed it to me when he was playing with the Flyers. That’s why I was angry at him. I tried not to be, I was the captain, and I couldn’t mix my professional and personal life. But I had no choice. He wanted me to crack, for his own pleasure. I couldn’t bring myself to his level, because my sister was finally happy, and all of this was the past for me. I talked to the management about it, and that’s why he went away.”

Sidney doesn’t say anything; he must feel dismayed, exactly as Claude felt.

Claude continues: “I’m not saying that your sister is in danger right now. I know him. He’s not gonna kill or rape her or something like that. He’s not violent. But he plays with your head. He’s manipulative. He’s going to earn your trust, for his own benefit, and then he’s going to break everything. He’s as selfish as that. His only reason for being friendly with people is to _use_ them.”

“But why is he interested in my sister then?”

“I don't know exactly, but he certainly doesn’t care about her. He really just wants something from her brother, which is _you_. You are Sidney Crosby. You could be a great addition to his plan.”

“But I was talking to him before and he suddenly stopped answering me. And I didn’t even know that he knew her!”

“That’s weird, but he’s methodical. He certainly has something in mind.”

Claude looks at Sidney and hopes that he believes him. If he doesn’t, then Claude is in love with the dumbest guy on Earth.

But the way Sidney is looking at him, Claude knows that for once, they’re on the same page.

“But what do we do now?” Sidney asks. He’s so worried, and Claude can’t do anything about it.

“I guess you just need to wait. She’s not gonna die. But she needs to stop communicating with him as soon as possible.” Claude answers, knowing that it’s not the answer Sidney wants to hear. Not when you’re making horror movies of the situation.

“But I can’t just _wait_! Everything is my fault here. You literally told me that he wasn’t a good person. And I was so stubborn and I -”

“Stop, you’re making this way more dramatic than it needs to be. Nothing here is your fault.”

“It is entirely my fault; you can’t say otherwise. I’m the one who didn’t believe you. I’m the one who was obstinate to think that this guy was a good person. Maybe if I…”

Claude sees that Sidney is trying hard not to break down, and it’s painful to see the person you love the most being that way. Claude would do anything to make him smile, just for one second. He just wants to hug him, tell him that nothing here is his fault, because it’s true. It’s totally Claude’s fault for not telling anyone, especially not Sidney, about this. He’s ashamed. But his shame may have caused more damage than anything else.

Claude sits next to Sidney, and slowly gives him a hug. Claude is waiting for the moment when Sidney will push back, but he leans into it. Claude feels amazing for a few seconds, before remembering why Sidney is in his arms. He just needs support.

“She’s okay. She’s going to come back.” Claude says, whispering in his ear.

Claude breaks the contact before he does something extremely stupid, like kiss Sidney. He still looks at him though, and Sid’s sad face is definitely one of the most heartbreaking things Claude has ever seen.

“Sid, look at me.”

Sidney doesn’t do anything but stare at the floor, so Claude takes his chin, and forces him to look. 

Sidney needs to stop blaming himself. Claude knows him enough to know that Sidney Crosby is good at blaming himself even when it’s not his fault.

“It’s not your fault, okay?” Claude says, lowly.

“But I -”

“There’s no _but_.” he says, cutting Sidney off. “It’s _not_ your fault.”

The silence is heavy, and Claude hopes that Sidney is convinced that he has nothing to do with it.

“Okay.” Sidney answers, although Claude knows it’s not as easy as that with Sidney.

Claude smiles anyway.

“Good,” he says, before standing up. “I’m sorry, but I really need to go.” Claude says. Sidney must want to be alone, and Claude respects that.

Sidney is looking at the ground, looking as miserable as before.

“Stop mopping like that… Taylor is fine.”

She will be, she must be. If McGinn did anything to her...

Sidney shyly smiles at the ground.

At that precise moment, Claude knows that he will do everything he can to find McGinn, and to bring Taylor home. Claude wants Sidney’s happiness more than anything right now. If this is what he needs to do, then he’ll do it.

“I gotta go, I’m leaving Cole Harbour. I guess I’ll see you around.” Claude says.

He leaves Sidney’s house as fast as possible.

There’s no time left to waste. He must find Taylor Crosby and Tye McGinn.

He has to do it, for Sidney.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On another note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAUDE GIROUX!


	4. "I am sorry, exceedingly sorry."

It’s one thing to know you need to find someone, but it’s another thing when you don’t even know where to start.

Claude doesn’t really know how to start his investigation. Taylor and McGinn may be in Cole Harbour, but it’s a small town and everyone knows who Taylor Crosby is. Maybe they went to a bigger place like Halifax. Is it close to Cole Harbour or is Claude just wishing it was?

He looks on Google Maps, and finds out that Halifax is only thirty minutes away from Cole Harbour. He can go there and hope to cross their path on the streets.

Claude was wise enough to make the trip to Cole Harbour in his car – an extremely long trip. He couldn’t be happier with that decision because now he doesn’t need to find a cab.

While driving to Halifax, Claude can only think about Sidney, and the fact that he’d do anything for his happiness, even if it involves talking to McGinn for the first time since his trade to the Sharks.

***

Halifax is a beautiful city near the sea; Claude would love to come back some day, maybe with Sidney. He probably knows the city like the back of his hand.

But for now, he really needs to find Sidney’s sister and McGinn, also known as the biggest asshole in the universe.

But the thing is, he doesn’t even know if he’s in the _right_ place.

Claude parks his car, and decides to walk around the city, near the park.

Hoping to meet someone by walking around and wishing they would magically show up is the worst plan ever.

Claude doesn’t want to feel desperate, he can’t. He doesn’t have the right to be. He needs to find them, for Sidney.

Sidney’s sad face was so heartbreaking; Claude made the promise to himself that he wouldn’t ever let that happen again, if he can prevent it of course. And Claude could’ve prevented this if he hadn’t kept his sister’s story a secret. This is in a way his fault, and he cannot give up now.

Claude walks into a restaurant in downtown Halifax. He doesn’t even know why, he just did. Maybe his instincts are being friendly for once.

His instincts are definitely being friendly.

Claude sees McGinn at a table, smiling at what appears to be Taylor from behind.

He found them; this’s fantastic, but the fun part hasn’t even started yet.

Claude walks quickly to their table. McGinn’s face when he sees Claude is a mix of surprise and fear, but he rapidly masks those emotions with the biggest fake smile ever.

“My dear Claude, it’s been a while!” McGinn says, like the hypocrite he is. “How have you been?”

“I don’t have time for this bullshit McGinn.”

“I’m sure you have the time, come and take a seat. What are you doing in Halifax?” he asks, smiling.

“You know exactly why I’m here, McGinn.”

“I’m afraid I don’t.” he replies, with a fake-concerned face.

Claude looks at Taylor, who seems really clueless of what is happening right now. She looks exactly like her brother, but with blond hair instead. God he’ll do anything to take her out of this mess.

Claude looks back at McGinn.

“I don’t know what the hell you want, or what the hell you have in mind, but I’m asking you to stop immediately.”

“I have nothing in mind, except wanting to take this beautiful lady to dinner” he says with a seductive voice, looking at Taylor.

Claude is certain he sees her blush. This really needs to stop. She’ll have a broken heart and this can’t happen again, especially not to Sidney’s sister. Sidney, who thinks this would be wholly his fault, even though it’s not.

“I’m sorry Taylor, but McGinn isn’t who you think he is. He’s manipulative and selfish and…”

“Don’t listen to him Taylor.” McGinn says, cutting Claude off. “He’s just jealous because he can’t have a part of the Crosby family like me.”

“Excuse me?” Claude says, wondering what McGinn is implying.

“Oh c’mon Claude, we all know you have a crush on Taylor’s big brother, it’s so obvious! You really thought that was a secret?”

Claude is going to kill this guy, he really is. How did McGinn even know?!

“Oh, Claude is mad because I discovered his secret.” he taunts, but then says, hushed, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. It’ll be our little secret.”

If he wasn’t in a restaurant, he would punch McGinn in the face. But instead, Claude manages to control his anger and says, “You are the biggest asshole on this planet.”

“You wish.”

Taylor starts talking for the first time since Claude arrived, “I think I’ll go wait outside…” She leaves the table, and now it’s only Claude and McGinn.

“Now that she’s gone.” Claude begins. “What do you want to stop all communication with both Taylor and Sidney? I don’t know what you want from them but I won’t let you have it.”

“I want nothing, because I care about them.”

Claude laughed. This guy is still convinced that he can manipulate him, but it won’t ever work again.

“I know you McGinn; you don’t care about anyone but yourself. Answer my question: what do you want? Is it money? Because if so we can make a deal.

McGinn seems to be thinking about it, and says:

“Ok, money can work for me. Three millions dollars.”

Claude knows he dropped his jaw.

“Are you fucking crazy? I won’t give you three millions! That’s… That’s too much!”

“It’s three million or nothing.”

Claude knows he can’t win, but he won’t lose either.

“One million dollars”

“Two millions dollars”

“One point five million dollars. My last offer.”

Claude knows that McGinn doesn’t even earn that much money in one year in his contract. Claude can live with $1.5 million less, if it means that McGinn is no longer in the picture.

“Good, I’ll take 1.5 million dollars. If I don’t have it by next Saturday, I’ll take it as our agreement being over.”

“Perfect. One point five million dollars by Saturday and you won’t ever talk to the Crosbys again?”

“I won’t. It’s a deal.”

McGinn presents his hand, and Claude takes it to shake it. Claude can’t help but smile.

“Just remember Claude, Crosby will never want you back, he hates you to death. He told me so when we were making out in the hotel room.”

Claude doesn’t know what to do with that information. He wants to punch McGinn in the face, or kill him. Or both.

“You should have seen your face, it was priceless,” McGinn says. “That wasn’t true by the way. We could have, but we never had the opportunity.”

The way Claude exhales says everything. He’s completely relieved.

“I guess you don’t want me to take Taylor home, so goodbye and I hope our paths never cross again.”

“I couldn’t hope for anything more.”

They smile at each other, just to be polite, and Claude leaves him alone.

When he goes outside, he sees Taylor waiting on the wall side.

“Hey Taylor,” Claude says. He can guess how she’s feeling, she must be really furious to know that she was manipulated for a reason Claude doesn’t even know.

“Hello Giroux.” she says. “I guess I need to thank you, for what you did. You didn’t have to do this. I heard everything. One point five million dollars is a lot of money.”

Crap, she wasn’t supposed to hear that.

“Just, promise me you won’t tell your brother about this? I never found you and McGinn, and I never gave him money, okay?”

Taylor looks concerned.

“Why? After everything, he’ll think much higher of you that’s for sure and…”

“That’s exactly what I don’t want.” Claude says, cutting her off.

“I don’t understand.”

“Nothing needs to be understood. Can I give you a ride home?”

She looks like she wants to continue this conversation but instead just nods and follows him. 

***

It’s twenty minutes into the ride when Taylor asks Claude questions again.

“Why don’t you want my brother to know?”

Claude wasn’t prepared to talk about this with the sister of the guy he loves but he guesses he doesn’t really have the choice now that he helped her.

“I don’t want Sidney to think that I did this to prove to him that I’m a good person.”

“But then, why did you do it?”

Claude then explains his sister’s entire story to Taylor. She seemed in shocked.

“Wow, what an asshole.”

“I know. That’s why I did it. I didn’t want something like this to happen to anyone. I should’ve said something but I was too selfish and stubborn to admit my mistakes to myself at that time. Now I’ve paid the price…”

As he starts to get way too dramatic, Claude and Taylor arrive in front of her house.

“Well here we are,” Claude says. “I hope you’re not too sad about McGinn.”

“No, I’m not. I wasn’t really interested anyway.”

“Good. Promise me you won’t tell your brother about this?”

“I won’t, thank you again Claude Giroux.”

“You’re certainly welcome Taylor Crosby.”

She smiled at him, and Claude swears Sidney and Taylor have the same smile.

Claude definitely needs to leave. He needs to forget Sidney Crosby. He can’t see him as a potential lover, because he knows he’ll never have that chance.


	5. “My aunt's intelligence had given me hope, and I was determined at once to know every thing.”

A month had passed since Claude’s trip to Cole Harbour. Claude tries not to think about it that much, but it’s difficult.

He knows he doesn’t have a chance with Sidney, he understands that. He also knows that Taylor is fine - now that McGinn left her alone.

Sidney is happy and that’s all that matters now. His little sister is ok, and Brayden will go to Pittsburgh with his brother on a road trip, and Brayden will go and say what he needs to say to Malkin.

Everything is fine, but Claude feels like there’s something missing. He knows what and he doesn’t want to admit it, not exactly.

He wishes he could have Sid’s friendship at least, but he knows it isn’t possible, not after everything Claude’s done. Sidney will never forgive him. Claude needs to remember that. Only in his dreams does Sidney even like him.

Claude already made the mistake thinking that he had a chance with Sidney; he won’t make the same mistake again. You’re supposed to learn from your mistakes, not repeat them.

Anyway, the season is starting in less that a week. He won’t have any time left to think about Sidney . . . right?

***

Brayden just got back from his trip to Pittsburgh. Everything went fine and he’s officially with Malkin now. Brayden seems so happy talking about it. Claude is so happy for him.

“I’m so happy Claude; it was perfect. At first he was really upset, but then we talked and now we’re great.”

“I’m really happy for you, Brayden. You deserve it.”

“But that’s because of you. You’re the one who convinced me that I still had a chance. You're the best friend I could have.”

Claude fakes a smile. He still thinks that what he’s done was terrible, and still, Brayden totally forgave him. He’s so kind… This is exactly the kind of guy who will be good with Malkin.

“Claude, are you okay?” Brayden asks after a while. Claude was lost in his thoughts.

“Of course, I’m fine. I’m always fine.”

Brayden doesn’t seem to believe him, but that’s when Luke decides to come in.

“So Brayden, are you done recounting your wonderful love story to Claude?” Luke says a bit sarcastically, entering the house. 

“Yes I’m done.” Brayden answers, smiling to his brother.

“Well that’s good, I arrived at just the right time,” He says to his brother. Then, he looks at Claude, “I had to hear this story over and over again in the car, there was only so much I could take!”

“Hey, it wasn’t that bad!” Brayden answers, still smiling anyway.

Luke goes next to him and gives him a hug.

“Seriously though, I’m happy for you. I mean, you could have chosen another guy, from any other team than Pittsburgh, but if it makes you happy then I’ll have to accept it eventually.”

Claude feels just a little bit overwhelmed in the room, and he’s about to leave when Luke says, “Wait Claude, I need to speak to you. It’s about Crosby.”

Claude’s heart starts racing. God, when will all of this be over?

Brayden is the one who leaves to go outside Claude’s apartment.

“I’ll wait for you in the car,” he says, before opening and closing the door behind him.

Claude is still confused, but also really curious so he just sits on the sofa and waits for Luke to say what he had to say about Sidney.

“Seriously Claude, what the fuck are you thinking?”

“I… I don’t understand?” Claude replies confused.

“You’re really interested that much in Crosby, wanting to risk everything to date him?”

Why does everyone think that they’re together? They’re not! They’re so far from together it hurts when Claude thinks about it.

“We’re not together Luke,” Claude finally answers, trying to be as detached as possible. He really wishes he was lying. He’s so pathetic.

“Seriously Claude, I don’t know how you could even like a guy like him.”

“What are you talking about, Luke?” Claude asks. He doesn’t understand.

“When Brayden and Malkin were together I had nothing to do, so I went to see Crosby because I had heard from some people that you two were involved. I had to tell him how bad of an idea it was.”

Claude couldn’t feel angrier than he does at this moment. Sidney must have been really irritated too. Sidney hates Claude to death - of course he was being an asshole to Luke! It’s understandable. And on the top of that, Claude feels so ashamed. He doesn’t even want to know what Sidney has said to Luke. It’s probably things like “Don’t worry, Giroux is the worst person in the universe, I hate him.” And Claude is not ready to hear that. He’ll never be ready to hear that actually.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Claude finally says.

“And I want to talk about it Claude. We need to talk about it.”

“Why? The guy hates me; of course we’re not together!”

“You’re sure of that?”

“What do you mean?” Claude asks.

“When I asked him to say that what I had heard was all false, he didn’t even want to! He said boring stuff about his life being his choice and your life being your choice and that I had nothing to do with that. Even though I told him how bad it could be for both of you, he didn’t even seem to care! I don’t understand the guy…”

What is that supposed to mean? This what is running through Claude’s head right now. If Sidney didn’t say that they weren’t involved, if Sidney really told what Luke just said, that means… That means Sidney didn’t totally reject him, not yet.

Claude cannot think about this, he really can’t. He needs to be sure. That’s why he asks again if Sidney told Luke anything else.

“Well, when I asked him if you two were together, he said no after a while,” Luke says. “But then he didn’t want to promise me to never be with you. I’m pretty sure he just wanted to mess up with me.”

Claude hopes it isn’t the case. Because Claude knows Sidney, he wouldn’t have shied away from telling Luke that Claude is the biggest asshole in the universe. But he didn’t. Instead, he didn’t even promise not to be with Claude.

Claude can’t get his hopes up again, but it becomes practically impossible now that he knows what Sidney said about him to Luke.

At that precise moment, Claude knows he needs to talk to Sidney. He needs to go to Pittsburgh.

But, is that a good idea?

***

Claude isn’t able to sleep the night after this conversation with Luke, he just can’t.

He keeps wondering if he should do something or not, and if he should go to Pittsburgh to talk to Crosby or not. He doesn’t know; he’s so confused.

That’s why he calls Brayden the next morning, because he needs someone to tell him what to do. He cannot do it alone, not now. This decision is too important to mess it up.

Brayden doesn’t ask why Claude calls, he already knows why.

“It’s about Crosby, isn’t it?”

“How do you…”

“Luke told me. And I say that you should go. I checked, there’s a plan leaving tonight for Pittsburgh. I already bought a ticket for you.”

“But why…”

“I know you’ll be thinking about it anyway, and we don’t play against the Penguins before January. I don’t want my captain not reaching his potential because he keeps thinking about Sidney Crosby.”

“I don’t know Brayden… I’m not sure yet. Maybe I should wait?”

“The more you wait, the more you’ll do nothing, and I know, like you do, that it’s not Sidney Crosby’s thing to be that unclear when he talks about something, so take the ticket I bought for you and go talk to him. It’s a gift.”

“But I don’t deserve it.”

“Yes, you do deserve it, you’re the one who told me I still had a chance with Malkin, and now it’s my turn to tell you that you still have a chance with Crosby.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“My boyfriend is Sidney Crosby’s best friend, remember? I have some inside information that you don’t… Anyway, I decided that you’re going, and I’m taking you to the airport. I’ll be at you house at 7 PM. Be ready.”

At those words, Brayden hangs up.

Well, Claude doesn’t really have a choice.

***

Brayden arrives exactly at 7 PM. Claude didn’t bring much, he doesn’t really know if it’ll work out anyway.

Claude gets in the car and he feels like he’s going to throw up. He’s so nervous just thinking about going to Sidney’s house and going talk to him about his feelings. Maybe Brayden is so wrong, maybe he shouldn’t go.

Claude hasn’t even realized that Brayden was talking to him and that he was already driving to the airport.

“Claude, please stop worrying. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“Claude, I know you’re really stressing, but you don’t have to. Put on some music, it’ll change your mind.”

Claude doesn’t really have the strength to put his own music, so he just put the radio on, to the country channel. Claude loves country music.

_I don't wanna steal your freedom_  
_I don't wanna change your mind_  
_I don't have to make you love me_  
_I just wanna take your time_

_I don't wanna blow your phone up_  
_I just wanna blow your mind_  
_I don't have to take your heart_  
_I just wanna take your time_

_No, I ain't gotta call you baby_  
_And I ain't gotta call you mine_  
_I don't have to take your heart_  
_I just wanna take your time_

__This song reminds him of Sidney so much…_ _

__“Well, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to put music on after all,” Brayden says, changing the channel to pop music. “Well that’s better, I think you enjoy Selena Gomez, eh Claude?”_ _

__But Claude cannot think about anything else than Sidney. He’ll see him in an hour or so, he’s so not ready. He’s so going to mess it up._ _

__They’re at the airport, and Claude already wishes that this was over._ _

__“Well, here we are. It’ll be fine Claude, trust me.”_ _

__“Thank you Brayden, for the ride.” Claude says, smiling a little._ _

__“You’re welcome. Go Claude, Your lover is waiting for you!”_ _

__Claude is really smiling when Brayden leaves. Now there’s no going back._ _

__Claude Giroux is going to confess is love (again) to Sidney Crosby. And now, now Claude thinks it might be a happy ending._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Sam Hunt - Take Your Time ♥ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXi6IHFHeIA)


	6. "My real purpose was to see you, and to judge, if I could, whether I might ever hope to make you love me"

After stressing over everything that he has to say, Claude arrives in front of Sidney’s house. He can’t go back, even though he wishes he could right now.

Claude knocks on the door, trying to ignore his heart racing in his chest. He can do this; he has to.

When Sidney finally opens the door, Claude is petrified and doesn’t even know what to say other than, “Hi… Can I come in?”

Sid waves him toward the living room and Claude follows.

They sit on the same couch but on opposite ends. Claude can’t stop staring at Sidney. Even though they saw each other a few weeks ago, Claude didn’t remember Sidney was that beautiful.

But now, Claude needs to say something, he’s the one who showed up at Sidney’s home. He should say something instead of looking into Sidney’s gorgeous hazel eyes.  
Claude looks around and sees that Sidney is watching something, probably a movie. He can start with that.

“So umm, what were you doing?” Claude asks, hoping to use some small talk to start the conversation.

“I was just watching the second Lord of the Rings movie.”

Claude feels his heart racing; this feels like a massive throwback to Prague, when everything was beautiful between them. When he thought he had a chance, when he really thought… But that’s not the point right now.

“Oh. Do you like it?” Claude asks.

“Yeah, even though I fell asleep at the end of the first one, so at first I didn’t understand everything.”

Claude can’t stop thinking about that moment over and over again. Sidney falling asleep in his arms was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to him.

Claude is still silently reminiscing when Sidney starts talking.

“Seriously, I really need to thank you.”

“For what?”

“I know what you did for my sister. That you found her and paid McGinn to stop everything with her.”

Shit shit shit. How the hell does he know about that? He wasn’t supposed to know, ever.

“How do you know that?” Claude asks, trying not to show too much of his panic.

“I know Taylor wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, but when she accidentally mentioned your name… I just had to ask.”

Of course, how could he ever trust Sidney’s sister not to tell her brother? Claude was stupid, and Sidney doesn’t need to thank him.

“It was nothing. You don’t need to thank me,” Claude finally says.

“Are you kidding?” Sidney says, smiling a little. “You literally saved my little sister when I couldn’t. I owe you so much. I will always be grateful for what you did for her, really.”

Claude needs to tell Sidney the truth. He’s only there to do so, right?

Claude sighs and looks at Sidney in his eyes, his absolutely beautiful eyes.

“I have to admit, even though I learned to respect your sister through the week I’d spent in Cole Harbour, I didn’t do it for her. I did it for you.”

There’s is the truth; Claude nervously waits to see how Sidney will react.

“Well, thank you, really.” Sid answers.

That’s what Claude feared, of course Sidney would only say that, he’s polite and doesn’t want anything to do with Claude. That’s basically the answer to his question.

Claude sighs and doesn’t want to stay anymore. He was about to say he should leave when Sidney says something else.

“I think that we should try to be friends. I’d like us to be friends.”

Claude never thought that Sidney would ever say that. He loves Sidney as more than just friends, but it’s so much better than nothing at all. He needs to ask though, just to be sure.

Claude turns to look at Sidney and ask him.

“You really want us to be friends?”

“I mean, yeah, I guess so.” Sid answers.

“I guess that’s okay for me.” Claude answers, smiling.

But it’s so far from the truth. Claude is actually not okay with that. He doesn’t want to be only friends with him, he wants to kiss him, to hug him, to be his partner. Claude came to tell the truth, so he'll say what he needs to say, and hopefully Sidney won’t hate him too much.

“Actually no, I’m not okay with that. I came here to be honest with you and myself for once.” Claude says quickly.

Sidney, who was smiling, now just looks sad.

“That’s okay, you hate me right now, I get it…” Sid says, his voice stuttering a little.

What? Why would Sidney ever think that? He’s so wrong… Claude hasn’t ever loved someone as much as he loves Sidney. That man is so oblivious sometimes.

“You think that I _hate_ you? Really?” Claude asks, wondering where the hell Sidney heard that.

“You hate me, right?” Sidney asks again.

“If I hate you, then I’m seriously doing it wrong!” Claude says, laughing a little. This is getting ridiculous, he’s so far from hating him.

This is the moment that Claude has waited for for months, and now he can finally say everything that he’s ever wanted to say.

Claude looks in Sidney’s eyes and finally speaks. “God Sid, I still feel the same about you as I did in June. And I think that I’m even more in love with you that I ever was... But, if you really just want us to be friends, or you just want to thank me, then I won’t ever tell you those things again. I’ll forget how to love you, as I should have three months ago.”

Claude waits for a respond, a sign, anything. But Sidney just stays there, doing nothing, of course. His lack of reacting indicates to Claude that it was foolish of him to even come here. Claude stands up to leave.

“I guess I have my answer now,” Claude says, looking down.

Claude is walking away, when Sidney is suddenly in front of him, but Claude cannot look at him, the wounds too fresh.

“Don’t be silly,” Sid murmurs. Claude hasn’t even realized how close Sidney has gotten to Claude.

Then Claude feels Sidney take his chin, and feels his lips against something soft.

Sidney is kissing him.

Claude doesn’t react; he can’t at first. But then Claude gets with the program, after all he’s dreamed of this moment so much. He starts kissing him harder, cradling his neck and gripping the short strands of hair on his neck.

After a while they stop to catch their breath and Claude knows he looks so happy, and he doesn’t care.

“Did you just _kiss_ me?” Claude asks. Maybe he is dreaming right now?

In respond, Sid kisses him again, giggling. It’s a little messy, but Claude is too happy to care.

Claude starts smiling too and Sid breaks the kiss. Kissing when smiling isn’t exactly easy.

Then Claude is taking Sid’s head with his hands, rubbing his cheek with his thumb. His skin is so soft, he always wanted to be able to touch him like that. It’s everything he ever wanted.

“God Sid, you can’t imagine how much I dreamed about this.”

“Me too,” Sidney responds, and Claude swears Sidney is blushing.

Claude smiles and kisses him on the forehead. Then, he sits on the couch, almost lying down. Sid follows, leaning into him, his head resting on Claude chest. Claude starts playing with his hair, because now he can.

Even though Claude is happier than ever, he needs to be sure that Sidney wants this.

“Are you sure you want this Sid? Do you really want this?”

Sid frowns and looks up at him.

“You can’t tell that I’m serious about this?”

“Well after everything that you said to me, I just want to be sure…”

Claude won’t be able to believe that Sidney loves him if he doesn’t hear him say it. It’s silly, but Claude was broken apart and he just needs to be reassured.

Sid takes Claude’s hand and tangles their fingers and says, “I know I wasn’t really nice with you, and I’m sorry. I’m the worst in this story, and when I realized that I was wrong about you, I felt so ashamed. I was pretty sure that you hated me because of it…”

Claude never hated Sidney, why would he think such things?

“Even after that, I couldn’t bring myself to that level. I loved you too much to start hating you; even after you said that I was _the last person on Earth you’d ever want to be with._ That really messed with me, you have no idea.”

“Don’t repeat that! God, I don’t know why I said that…”

“But you were right. I never was good at showing affections, and I didn’t know how to react with all of this, so I wasn’t really nice with you. I always told myself to never have a crush on a hockey player. I never thought that I was going to fall in love, especially not with you. That’s for sure.”

“Me neither I guess,” Sid says, smiling.

“I know that I’m not perfect, that I can be a piece of shit, and that it’ll be difficult to be together, especially because of the distance and all, but I don’t care. You make me want to be a better person.”

Sid laughs. Claude wants to hear this laugh everyday.

“That was so cheesy,” Sid says, smiling at him.

“I know?” Claude answers, laughing but unapologetic.

They look at each other, and at that precise moment, Claude realizes how thankful he is to have a second chance, but Claude still needs to know one more thing, “I heard that Luke paid a visit.”

“Yeah, what an asshole honestly.”

“He’s my friend and my teammate. Don’t talk about him like that.”

“Well he was a pure asshole to me.”

“Yeah, he thought he was doing the right thing, but I have to admit that it got my hopes up when he told me how you responded.”

“Really?”

“Well, I know you. If you still had hated me as much as before, you would have said ‘I fucking hate him so I won’t ever date him how could you say such abominable things shut up and leave’ so I thought that I might still have a chance after all.”

Sid smiles. “You’re right. The old me would have answered that way, but I’m different now. My feelings have changed so much…”

Claude knows Sidney is about to say something really important. He looks at him; with all the love he has.

“I hated you so much at first, but then I got to know you, in Prague especially, and I guess I responded to you that way in June because I was mad at what you did to Geno and Tye.” Sid stops, smiles, and continues. “But when I realized that I was wrong about hating you for Tye, and when Geno and Brayden got together, I had no reason left to hate you. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to be with you because I’m grateful or whatever. I really like you too. And I guess we can try something, now that I finally see you as _who you truly are._ "

It’s the most beautiful love confession he’d ever received, and it’s by Sidney Crosby.

Claude kisses him, harder than before. Sid touches his beard, and, God Claude is enjoying this.

Sid is still kissing him when he moves on top of Claude, straddling him. Claude wasn’t expecting that from Sidney, especially not that fast in their relationship.

Claude is so overwhelmed, yet he starts touching Sidney everywhere: his chest, his hips, and then his ass. This beautiful piece of art.

When Sidney pulls away and leans toward the end of the couch, Claude realizes that he may have messed up by being too forward.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry, I won’t do it again. I just…” Claude apologizes. He didn’t want to hurt Sidney.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Sid says, approaching him. “I was just surprised. Let’s take this slowly, if you don’t mind. I still need to understand how my body is responding to everything. I don’t want to fuck up.”

“Yeah you’re right. I want to take this slow too, don’t worry. I just got carried away. I never thought that I could touch you like this, so I’m _really_ sorry,” he answers, smiling.  
Sid blushes and hides his face in Claude’s chest. He’s so cute.

“Don’t be ashamed.” Claude says, caressing his hair. “As your boyfriend, I have to say that your ass is a masterpiece.”

Did Claude really say that? But the fact that Sidney seems so happy seems to be a sign that he likes this term. Claude smiles.

Claude’s phone starts ringing; he’s pretty sure it’s Brayden, who wants to know how it went. And now he realizes that he has to change his ringtone.

_“You make me wanna shut it all down,_  
_Throw it all away,_  
_Cause I’m nothing if I don’t have you._  
_What’s the point of being on top,_  
_All the money in the world,_  
_If I can’t…”_

“Hello?”

“Hey Claude it’s Brayden. I just wanted to know… how was it? Was I right? Are you ok?”

Claude can’t stop smiling and looking at Sidney.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. I’m really good. Everything went well, you were right.”

“I knew it! God I’m so happy for you Claude this is going to be awesome, now we can double date!” Brayden says, a little bit too happy.

Sidney’s fingers on Claude chest are really distracting him right now, it’s so new and interesting, that kind of touch. Sidney is mapping out Claude’s body it seems, because he’s going everywhere and it’s beginning to turn him on.

“Oh that’s good Brayden. But I’m pretty busy right now, can I call you later?” he says, when he sees that Sid is going lower, his fingers now at the line of his boxers.

“Oh you’re still with Sidney? Sure, I’ll leave you to your stuff.”

Sid is smiling, and Claude knows he has an idea in mind, and this might be the sexiest thing he’s ever seen.

“Ok yeah, bye.” Claude says, hanging up.

Claude takes away Sid’s hand. He knows that he wouldn’t be able to resist if Sidney continues.

“You sure that you want to take your time?” Claude asks, teasing.

“Sorry, I got carried away. You have some beautiful boxers here.” Sid answers, a little bit sarcastically.

Claude has the perfect boyfriend and he smiles at that thought. Then, he looks at the TV screen and sees that it’s still playing the movie.

“Do you want to keep watching it? I think I know what it going on,” Claude asks, he loves these movies.

Sid nods in agreement.

“But first, I’m gonna change my ringtone. It doesn’t fit my situation anymore.” Claude says. This song was his ringtone because it reminded him of the fact that losing Sidney over his stupidity made him the loser of the year, but now it’s totally the opposite.

Claude selects the marimba ringtone. It’s really annoying but it’s exactly what a ringtone should be, according to Claude.

Sid looks at him with a disapproval look.

“What? I don’t choose a ringtone that I like, because obviously I wouldn’t want to answer. I have some logic that you don’t.”

Sid answers by kissing him on the cheek, and starts the movie again.

Claude thought being with Sidney was impossible. Now, now he has what he thought he had lost, and he couldn’t be happier to have this second chance. He loves Sidney so much; he won’t ever make stupid mistakes like the ones he made before again.

Claude will do anything for Sidney’s happiness. And if Claude can be a part of that, he will never hurt him again. That’s a promise.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I never thought I'd ever have readers to even begin with, so thank you everyone who followed this serie, or even just one work of this serie, I really appreciate it.
> 
> I don't have an idea for another work, we'll see what happens.
> 
> EDIT 2018/03/16
> 
> Well, it has been a while! I don't even know why I take the time to write this here, but if some people (I doubt) read this now, I want to share with you my biggest discovery of the year that can really interest you guys: A Gay Pride & Prejudice movie exists! His name is _Before the Fall_ and was made in 2016 (so after writing this story). it really is super good! It is set in our modern era, and it deals with homophobia and acceptance. It is on Amazon Prime, but I found it really easily on some streaming services. So If you enjoyed this story, maybe you'll enjoy this movie too ;)


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